Mental toughness to beat work-related stress
I’ve been in the workforce for more than 10 years now, but I’ve never heard the term “burnout” until I moved to Amsterdam a couple of years ago. The idea that employees are allowed to take months off work due to burnout was a new concept to me. My first thought was, wow it’s great that the labour laws here allow people to take care of their mental health. But then I thought, if I find life relaxing here… why are people around me burned out?
Is it a cultural thing? Is it another term for “chronic stress” or “depression”? Do I have a higher tolerance for stress?
I know everyone is different, and there are myriad reasons why someone can break down. People might already have difficult lives outside of work, and I can see how added stress at work can just tip someone over the edge. I’m not a therapist, but as someone who has lived through a rigid education system and 11 years of corporate life (5 of which are in big tech), I think I have some good tips on how to deal with day-to-day work stress.
“Just try your best”
Growing up as a Singaporean, it was drilled into us from a young age that the only way to succeed and be comfortable in life was to do well in school and then climb the corporate ladder. I vividly remember sitting in my bedroom and crying over my geography textbook because I simply couldn’t commit the different types of rocks to memory. It’s ridiculous and I can laugh about it now. But at that point in time, the educational system and society convinced me that my life depended on exams.
Basically, I was trained from a young age to cope with doing things that I disliked. I can count myself lucky because I managed to deal with that pressure. I believe that it’s because my parents gave me a normal, loving life at home. They never pressured me to excel academically (this is not the norm as Singapore is a very competitive society) and were satisfied as long as I stayed out of trouble.
Whenever I get anxious during the exam period, I’ll ask mum and dad, “What if I can’t remember all these facts during the exam? What if I do really badly?” They’ll always say, “It’s OK… just try your best.” Perhaps they believed in my capabilities and were trying to tell me that I was placing too much pressure on myself. Or perhaps they just wanted me to stop bothering them? Either way, it calmed me down and helped me return to focusing on doing my best.
I’m not a high-achiever who worries about not getting top grades. Most of the time in school, my goal was simply to be average (OK, maybe just slightly above average). I know what I’m capable of, and even now at work, I always take it upon myself to give my best. If it doesn’t work out, I know that there’s nothing else I could’ve done more. And if that’s really the case, I know I don’t belong there and would have to move on to something else.
Tip: Do your best, have confidence in your abilities, and see what happens.
Learn to be self-aware
I tell myself soothing narratives like that all the time to calm down. Because I know myself pretty well, I’m able to make choices that bring me joy and stay away from things that bring me down. Here’s where the cliche “be true to yourself” is, well, true.
I learn things about myself through constant introspection. I’m an introvert and I enjoy being with my own thoughts. When I’m daydreaming, my thoughts often drift into my recent experiences, and I replay scenes in my head and watch them like a movie.
Stressful events at work often weave their way into my thoughts. But this is how I start to process why I felt or reacted the way I did at that moment. I also try to figure out the thoughts and feelings of those around me at that moment.
But whenever I have a stressful day at work, my favourite way to destress is to verbalise it. Whether I rant to a work buddy, recount my frustrations to my partner when I come home, or text my close friend groups on WhatsApp, there’s nothing like having someone acknowledge my grievances.
Besides the psychological satisfaction of venting, these conversations also allow me to gain different perspectives on the situation. My friends and family helped me learn what might’ve caused the situation, how I could prevent it from happening again, and how to move on from it.
I also enjoy listening to people about their work troubles as it’s also a learning opportunity for me. I was chatting with a UX designer at lunch the other day, and she mentioned how she learnt to be resilient. “I used to feel like I’m not just a designer, but that I identify as a designer,” she said. “And when people criticised my work, I felt like they were criticizing me. But I soon learnt that I needed to have a life outside of work, and separating work and life helped me to cope.”
That was really interesting to hear because the people that I often see struggling the most in a corporate environment are those who feel passionate about their work but aren’t able to do their absolute best. They often find it difficult when people aren’t as passionate about it as them and struggle to adapt to different ways of working.
Tip: Give your best until it’s time to knock off, then step away from it all and go live the life that work pays for.
Surviving big tech, or any corporate job really.
When I’m in one of my introspective moods, I think about how we got to a point where we have so much technology to help us be efficient, and yet we’re more busy than ever. This irony is wonderfully played out in big tech companies. The amount of messages, emails, meetings, and documents we go through each day is mental. And that’s just the inanimate items. Throw in colleagues with different personalities into the mix, and you get one hell of an environment to deal with.
But it’s not all bad. And the reason for that is because I truly enjoy what I do and get paid well for it. Writing is my ikigai (the Japanese concept of one’s life purpose). A concept which I learnt about through the Netflix documentary series Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones.
Find your ikigai through the book Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life, which was an international bestseller that helped the rest of the world understand this concept.
I didn’t go about intentionally finding my own ikigai, but I was lucky enough to discover through schoolwork that I liked writing a lot and was told that I did it rather well.
I’ve dabbled in a few non-writing jobs in the past, but it stressed me out so badly that I got physically ill from it. During one particular stint, I had 3 bouts of food poisoning within 1.5 years, which really alarmed me because my stomach is usually very strong. It made me realise that I had to be happy to be healthy and that I had no choice but to go back to writing.
But even when I get hired to write, there’s so much more to the job than just writing. It takes a whole lot more than just writing skills to survive as a UX writer in big tech. The workplace is wild. You never know what kind of people you’ll be expected to work with, and there’s a limit to what you can change in your work environment.
That’s why I always try to focus on what I can control. I always give my best, even with all the creative and time constraints that are often placed on writers. I also celebrate small wins, find opportunities to advocate for UX, and try to be a good teammate. These habits make me feel like I have autonomy and make me feel good about my own capabilities.
As for things I can’t control, like unsolicited and unhelpful feedback from colleagues, changes in business priorities, or the number of “urgent” messages I get, I just have to remind myself to observe them impassionately and try not to react to them. Of course, there are days when work gets to me, and I get pissed off. But I try not to take things too personally or think about it after 16:55!
Tip: Focus on what you can control and learn to distance yourself from what you can’t control
Well, that was quite a therapeutic topic for me to write. If you’ve made it to the end of this lengthy post, I hope you enjoyed reading my part monologue, part self-pep-talk essay.
